Zoo

The last week of my vacation! On Sunday I walked the dog and it was green and lovely. Plus I think that’s the afternoon I chatted with a very nice lady who is new to the area and looking for somewhere to walk her dog. Monday, I was getting ready to leave – it is pathetic but I am old and preparing for 3 days in Portland takes the same amount of planning, energy and packing that 2 weeks camping in the wilderness used to require – and anyway, I took one photo, which is to say, here’s Mr. Binks in the courtyard. Tuesday, we were at the Oregon Zoo and, pro tip, the Tuesday after the first day of school is THE day to go to the zoo. It was the least crowded we have ever seen it and that really, really helped. Also, baby elephant! Tula-Too! Also took the car in to the dealership for a software update and a recall thing and that was an experience: I am new to the luxury car dealership treatment. They were very nice even though I think they could tell that I am not, actually, in the correct tax bracket to drive an Acura, lol. And they loaned us a car while mine was being worked on! It is driving much better and I wish I’d done this months ago. I also dropped my Canon 5D at Advance Camera for a much needed cleaning and tuneup and had a lovely camera nerd conversation. Wednesday, it poured rain and we went shopping. As is required on every Portland trip, apparently, we all got hangry and overwhelmed by Powells, but this reflection was lovely. Thursday, it rained off and on and we drove and went food shopping, which also ended in hangry, sigh. Then we picked up our big box of salmon in the rain in Vancouver and drove on home. Friday, Five and I went down to the Riverwalk so she could scoot and I could run after her, far in the distance. And on Saturday Harvey and I took our regular walk and saw these ominous clouds apparently giving the river the finger.

So now, here I am. My vacation ends tomorrow and as per usual, I got none of the things done that I planned to do. The house is still trashed, the papers are still in a giant scary heap, the flea meds remain unpurchased, the art has not been created, there has not been much in the form of exercise and I’m still feeling cranky. But, books have been read, minecraft has been played – just found my first sulfur cave – wine has been drunk and, the big city errands have all been completed, even including buying way too much strange vegan ramen at Hong Phat. Got some film back as you can see in the previous post and all in all things could, of course, be much worse.

Also, we spent two nights in an absolutely incredible historic hotel which just might be haunted, although we saw nothing scarier than the decor in the Arcadian Garden, aka the downstairs bar/restaurant – see the center photo, because what says Garden better than astroturf and chunks of, uh, rock? Concrete? Moon rocks perchance? Nevertheless it was an awesome place to stay, with a gorgeous saltwater pool, free breakfast with made to order omelettes and two free drinks per person, not to mention wine tastings in the lobby. And the crows came flying by in the evening on their way to roost.

Below, ZOO! All from my trusty old Canon 5D Mark III. The cougar at the bottom became extremely interested in Five, clearly sizing her up as a possible lunch entree. As the internet says, if not friend, then why friend shape? Also, there were two fat, happy rats in the flamingo enclosure. I scoured the internet looking for details, and nothing. The zoo has clearly got a good communications department. As always, I like the seals and otters, but oh, I am so fond of giraffes and tortoises.

And now, here comes fall, back to work and Five starts kindergarten tomorrow. Here’s hoping for a fabulous fall for us all.

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Film Interlude

A roll back from the Chaika half frame solid little Soviet 70s camera. The film is Lomochrome ’92 which has indeed as promised given everything a kind of elegiac golden summer glow. I don’t know why it is that film just makes me so much happier than digital but there is no denying that it does. Huge thanks yet again to the good people at The Shutterbug. I stopped by in person and it does in fact seem that someone has defrosted the film hipsters from 2010; they have not aged and it’s a bit uncanny. 😀 Anyway the clerk was concerned that I wanted the diptychs from the half frame and I was like, no, no, I know that you make the decisions and I trust you! And the random is part of the process and the joy. So here, summer in a roll of film.

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Turning

I am on vacation. I mean, I’m home, sitting in front of the computer, but I am officially On Vacation and oh hell yeah, I am currently drinking a third small glass of wine. Whoooo! Living it up! Watch out! If you knew me in my glory days you will be shocked by how little I drink now. I sure am. But anyway, I figured out that I could get 11 straight days off for the price of four vacation days, so that is exactly what I am doing. And three of them are gone already and so far I am shocked, shocked to find out that what would ordinarily be my regular weekend turned into. . . wait for it. . . my regular weekend! I have gotten neither more nor less accomplished but I have been a bit more cheerful about it.

On Tuesday my daughter and Five and I are all going to Portland for a couple of days. Last spring I bought a share in an Alaskan salmon boat and on Thursday we get to pick it up. I have never done anything like this before, by the way, in case that nonchalant sentence has you fooled. I have no idea what this entails or how it’s going to work out or how much salmon my share will include. In a state of mild panic, I bought a freezer on sale from Costco. It’s now at my daughters because I don’t have anywhere to put one here, despite, sigh, needing an extra freezer. I was thinking it could go in her garage and I could run up there and get dinner but alas, no, she makes the good point that the electricity in her “garage” *cough* shed */cough* is unreliable. And by her I mean I own half that house, but I suspect the half I own is the unreliable bit. Anyway, it’s now in her laundry room and Tuesday, off we are going to the big city, the Oregon Zoo, the hopefully cheaper grocery stores, the kids’ consignment shops, the Acura dealer and the camera repair place. Three days of fun and errands!

My brother had a small fall last week and so I am a bit concerned. He was fine but we had to call 911 which meant that 9 guys showed up to troop through my laundry room. The cops, the firefighters, the EMTs, all to lift one man back onto his bed. Then they fled and I do not blame them. Anyway, my son will be here, my daughter’s friend will be staying at her house to take care of the kitten and will stop by to keep an eye on my brother and, best of all, our amazing caregiver has agreed to start working five mornings a week. It takes more than a fucking village, these days. I like the way that Northwest Senior and Disability Services tells you that you can be reimbursed for respite care without mentioning that actually, respite care does not exist! In Clatsop County, it is a myth. But that is for a longer post to come, someday. Maybe. If you are unlucky.

And, the week that was: Sunday morning I went to Fort Stevens and encountered BABY ELK! I did not get too close – I genuinely do know better – and I got lectured anyway by a park volunteer who was absodamnlutely determined to lecture at some length. Sigh, but she’s doing the lord’s work, so. She can lecture me all she wants. Monday, I was in Skamokawa! I was there for a work thing and these are the swallows that were everywhere around us. It was amazingly cool and also, I will put up a photo below, but the shipping channel runs CLOSE to the beach in Skamokawa. It’s kind of crazy to see. Tuesday, the oh so familiar walking trail – I am so very sick of it but with a reactive dog in a beach adjacent town in August, you do what you got to do – with wonderful clouds. Wednesday, we went to that other one of three trails that we walk regularly, here is a ship, and Thursday, Mr. Binks hopped up on the roof of the car to be his glamourous self. Friday, Five and I went downtown to look at the sea lions, pictured here, and also to walk down to Frite and Scoop and have not just ice cream but also french fries because, you know what? I am the grandmother after all. Also I can’t choose between the two myself, so I’m not going to expect Five to do it. She had strawberry ice cream and I had chocolate sorbet and then we had frites with garlic oil and parmesan. It was glorious. Saturday was yesterday and here is Harvey observing the cloud reflections in Young’s Bay. And as you can see, the weather has been just, well, flawless.

When you’re just chilling on the beach while the GIANT SHIPS go by.

Turning means the seasons are turning; off we go to buy back to school clothes. See you next week when I will have some big city photos to share!

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August

Well, I put these photos together last Sunday and I was going to come back and write a blog post but. . . yeah, nothing earth shattering, just life. I work in front of a computer all day and I am disinclined to sit in front of one when I get home from work. That is, even if I have time after walking the dog and making dinner and cleaning it up and then sleep, blessed sleep, which, clearly, I do not. So! I can hardly remember the week before this one! I don’t think anything too exciting happened.

I’m pretty sure that I went for coffee on Sunday at Sleeper with a friend, but while the views from there are stellar, I opted for the pelicans instead because, hey, PELICANS! In front of Saddle Mountain! You will have to take my word for that, but I swear it’s behind the clouds: yet another of the 100 views of Saddle Mountain. On Monday I was at work and here’s my tradescantia again, always amazing in the sunlight. Tuesday, the fog was spooky on the way to work. Wednesday, I watched this cormorant from the trail on the other side of the airport. I love this photo. Thursday, we had a cleanup day at the MERTS campus and after I was done beautifying planters – do you know what happens when some kind soul plants daffodils and tulips in huge concrete planters and then everyone ignores them completely for like a decade or more? You get an entire 5 inch or so deep layer of compacted bulbs of all sizes is what you get and it’s a bitch to dig out. Plus, those poor plants. – anyway, then I wandered over to the equally neglected and in fact actually condemned dock and took this photo. Geese! Friday, Five and I went to Seaside so she could ride the merry go round but not, sadly, go on the paddleboats. I have promised a paddleboat excursion as soon as we have another grownup with us. We had a nice time anyway and she rode on a black cat with a fish in its mouth. And then on Saturday I went and picked a whole bunch of blackberries so that on Sunday I could make more jam. But that is for the next post.

Thus, just like August, this post is hard to grasp and fleeting.

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Prayer

I am praying a lot lately, which is kind of weird when you consider that I don’t, actually, believe in god. Or gods. Or whatever. Or do I? I have never really made up my mind. I find it easier to believe in ghosts, and spirits of place, and small ancient gods, and possibly Buddhism, and definitely an ill defined sense of the universe as deity that can be chalked up to growing up hippie adjacent in the 60s and 70s and then doing acid in high school. But no, maaan, I don’t believe in, like, God, despite my cultural Catholicism. My family was really more Catholic adjacent than hippie, by a long long way: it was my aunt, my mother’s sister, who was the hippie, although my mother did go through periodic bouts of health food and natural fibers.

My parents, after putting my older brother through the full Catholic wringer from altar boy to parochial schools, had given up on the church by the time I and then my younger brother came along 15 years later. I was baptized but never had my first Communion, and we only went to church on major holidays or when my father occasionally decided, probably hungover on a random Sunday, that we were growing up shockingly godless and should go to mass. None of it really stuck. My other, very non hippie, aunt would take us to church whenever she saw us and respond in Latin, but she didn’t see us that much. She was my father’s sister and they were often feuding for inexplicable grown up reasons. We never saw my hippie aunt either, for that matter, until I was sent to live with her as a teenager for being totally impossible to deal with. So I did, in fact, grow up shockingly godless.

Maybe, not really believing in gods, I believe only in science. Except science can be flawed, and I would very much like to believe in Sasquatch and aliens and timeslips and alternate dimensions. Magic, according to Arthur C. Clarke, is just future science anyway. Which makes sense if you are kind of pantheistic, which, I guess, I am. At any rate I am praying, sort of, to something that may or may not exist and is undefined in my mind, but here is my prayer: help, I need $300,000.

This is weirdly specific, I know. I try to keep my lottery prayers reasonable. Every so often I tell myself that this is completely insane: if you are asking ineffable possibly nonexistent beings to grant you riches, why not go for the gusto? Why not ask for a billion dollars and a golden, um, something? Small hoop earrings? Gold is so tacky. But instead, I am approaching these prayers like a grant application. I’m all like, ok, god, this much would go for administrative costs and this would get my brother a place in a nice residential memory care. Some of it would get my daughter a new car, which would enable us to serve x more family members, and the remainder would also cover new windows and the bathroom plumbing, a sustainable initiative. Apparently, probably like many longtime nonprofit and academic workers, I think god is related to the William T. and Catherine C. MacArthur Foundation. Who I doubt are going to give me any money, any more than the gods are, but one can dream. And buy the occasional lottery ticket and mutter Nam-myoho-renge-kyo at every opportunity.

And now, the week that was in photographs. On Sunday Five and I picked blackberries. On Monday, I made blackberry jam, which turned out OK. I mean, even OK jam is better than no jam – jam is rarely really bad – but the problem with wild blackberries is they just don’t actually have a lot of flavor. Next time I do it I’m going to add some more fruit. Maybe peaches. On Tuesday I took two photos of the pelicans and the whatever that is – wild dill? Anise? Something deadly poisonous that smells like dill? – by the auto parts store on West Marine Drive. The photo on top was taken around 8 am and the photo at the bottom was taken around 8 pm and as you can see, the weather had changed. On Wednesday I saw these little daisies by a metal plate in the sidewalk. Thursday, I babysat for Five and took this amazing photo of the amazing Sushi, who had a near death experience due to a truly epic case of worms and bad reactions to worming medicine and just being a giant handful because it’s hard to be tiny and new in the world with a bellyache. He now seems to have turned a corner and is okay. Keep your fingers crossed. Friday, Five and I went to Waikiki Beach (iykyk; it’s not, surprise, the one in Hawaii) and had a lovely time. And on Saturday I was out taking more photographs of pelicans. I am praying, I guess, that they recover to their former numbers and I get to stand under hundreds of them silently wheeling overhead at least once again in my life. Here’s to praying for the earth! And to the earth, possibly, because why not! Also, I still need a lot of money. Yours in poverty, see you next week –

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Film Interlude

These are from my early 80s Praktica, a solid old school fully manual camera that I love with all my heart. The film is Ilford black and white, 400 ISO. Developed and scanned by the Shutterbug.

These are making me super super happy which is weird because for the three or four months that I lugged that camera around loaded with black and white I kept thinking, bah, I’m over black and white, I don’t want to have to think like this, the hell with shape and line, I like color now, I’ve done my time.

I am, clearly, an idiot. But sometimes I think I’m a good photographer. The thing about black and white for me, over and above the shape and line stuff and look, I went to art school, I’m a trained professional in the art of nattering on for literal hours about shape and line stuff, is the utter timelessness of it. I like looking at my own work, knowing these were shot in this dread year of 2026, but honestly even I can’t tell. It might be 1970. Or 1935. Anyway, I hope you like them too!

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Chaos

It’s another week gone and another week that I feel like I’m frantically trying to get hold of summer. It’s slipping away and I don’t approve. On Sunday I met a friend for coffee at Coffee Girl; it is impossible to take a bad photo there. On Monday I went over to Bumble to take photos of the smoky sunset. I have a couple far more dramatic ones but I love this crow so much; he had to be the photo of the day. No Parking, indeed. Tuesday, here is Mr. Binks being glamourous on top of the fence. A hairdressing friend kindly came over and gave my brother a haircut in the courtyard; after she left we ordered chipotle via doordash (I feel very modern; this is like my 2nd ever experiment with doordash) and Binks posed in the still smoky end of sunset. Wednesday, I did not take any photos of the lovely dinner we had at my daughter’s house – well I did, but a) they were film and b) I don’t think they are going to turn out – but I did go to the gym in the morning and here is the view, complete with pigeon. And also smoke. Thursday, here is Harvey over on the other side of the airport dike trail, aka the place we go like every single dang day and Friday, here is a young buck behind my recycling bins. Saturday, which was yesterday, was the regatta parade in which Five and I “marched.”

So the title of this week’s post stems from the fact that I couldn’t find a pen and I was thinking to myself that although I am the original chaos goblin, my son is in fact King of the Chaos Goblins. Then I started thinking about how barely controlled chaos is sort of an ongoing theme in my life and that led to me to a half remembered Douglas Adams quote about how learning to fly is falling and forgetting to hit the ground. I think there’s something here about walking too: walking is just a controlled fall. That is life, or mine, anyway: just a barely controlled fall. This past week was not, mind you, unusually chaotic. It was just the normal amount of chaotic: juggling work and eldercare and childcare and pet care and even a nice hour of therapy, which I think counts as me care.

And then yesterday was the Regatta Parade, which is a uniquely Astoria event. I participated with the college where I work: I got downtown at 9 and helped decorate the float (lifeboat) and then had coffee with a colleague at Blue Scorcher and then went back to the staging point. Then Five was delivered to the nearby gas station by her mom. Five has firm ideas about what one should wear to be in a parade so she was decked out in her illuminated fairy unicorn cape, to which we added a sailor hat. I doused us both in barely expired sunscreen and we duly walked alongside the lifeboat, throwing candy, distributing bubbles and, in my case, frantically taking photos, holding Five’s hand and smiling like a loon, because actually being in a parade is super fun. Then Five went to the funfair – aka the parking lot full of bounce houses which included one unexpected walk through replica of the large intestine, complete with infographics about polyps and bowel cancer. I lost it completely and laughed so hard I thought I would fall over. My original plan was to continue on and go to galleries for artwalk but I was so tired I had to come home and lie down. The parade completely kicked my ass.

So it was not a bad week for us. It has been a very bad week for so many in the PNW and I feel a bit guilty to report that we had a very little wildfire smoke, just enough to haze the hills and illuminate the sunset. So I leave you with the hopes that all of us will only ever again have that much smoke if any. And here, have some dramatic photos.

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Film Interlude!

A roll of film came back from the good people at The Shutterbug and I’m very, very happy with it. This is from my little plastic toy fisheye camera, the trusty old Lomography Fisheye 1. All plastic, all the time. They don’t really make it anymore – they make a fancier one with metal and an actual glass lens. I think it is crisper but hey, I love my dreamy old plastic lens. These were taken over the course of about a year and I am fairly sure the film was just Kodacolor, 400 iso. Enjoy! Through the eye of an old plastic fish!

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Okay

It never fails that the last and biggest photo in any given gallery is the worst one.

I’m feeling a bit rejuvenated this week and that has been nice. My visiting friend last weekend is another photo nerd – that’s how we know each other – and geeking out about film photography and weird photography and so on has kind of gotten me more interested again. I sent off a couple of rolls of film on Friday so in the next two weeks there should be some more film interludes! Unless they are terrible! Which is certainly always a possibility, she said cheerfully. It’s never been the gear or the (ugh) math of photography that I like, it’s always been the randomness of it all. It’s why I like toy cameras so much. You never know! Also, he kindly gave me a Canon A1, which is a camera I have wanted for many years for some complicated childhood trauma reasons and because the font in the logo is so absolutely cool. What? I contain multitudes.

Anyway, this was a surprisingly productive week. I went to work every day and actually got some things done. I walked the dog every day. It is the little things, sigh. I don’t know why the little things are sometimes so freaking hard, but on the uncommon days when they are dealable with, I try to rejoice. I’m also trying to limit my social media, with limited success. I can’t quite look away from Reddit, even though I’m pretty sure it is, at this point, mostly bots talking to other bots. And some of it is just, wow. Train wreck people doing train wreck things. And I’m not just talking about politics.

The doom bells keep on clanging and the grocery prices keep on going up. This is not sustainable and I don’t know what we all think is going to happen but at this rate, the famous 1920s German man with the wheelbarrow full of cash going to buy bread is soon going to be a familiar sight. We just won’t be as well dressed and our Temu plastic wheelbarrows will probably fall apart en route. That’s okay! The billionaires haven’t been inconvenienced one iota, and that’s what counts. On my darker days I think that they have inside information on climate collapse, know that 90% of the populace are going to die horribly and are just setting themselves up for Feudalism 2.0: Dome Boogaloo. Because, clearly, they do not care.

But no! This is a post about positivity and hope! I still don’t have much of either but I do inexplicably feel a bit more cheerful lately. So let’s look at last week. Last Sunday features an absolutely fantastic photograph courtesy of my Canon 5D: look at that. I should be famous and rich. On Monday, here is an extremely creepy photograph that should also be making me famous and rich. I had just taken Harvey for a walk on the sawmill trail and was driving away when LO, there was a pink highchair in the middle of the road. I checked to make sure there was no baby in the highchair because, you never know, right? The highchair was empty. There were two young teenage boys nearby – they had passed me on the trail earlier, riding bikes with fishing poles and I thought at the time that it was suspiciously wholesome. I suspect shenanigans. Possibly hijinks. Anyway, here’s the highchair appearing creepily in my rearview mirror. Eeeeee! On Tuesday I stopped to take a fairly unremarkable photo of Saddle Mountain for when I start up making art about it again. Wednesday, my daughter had a run in with our new! improved! food safety! Are we great again yet?!? when the frozen salmon she made for dinner tasted like it had been dipped in some kind of heavy duty chemical cleaner. We did not eat it and went out instead because sometimes only a margarita will do. Here she is picking blackberries with Five in the lovely evening light. Thursday, I forgot to take a picture until like 8:30 at which point I hurriedly shot the courtyard plants. Friday, Five and I went to see Zootopia 2 outside at the park. We had a great time and here is Five dancing to the singing antelope, or wtf ever with that movie. It is copaganda for the preK set and, okay, whatever, I too enjoy the occasional good chase scene with cop cars flying into the air, but all the kids at the park got bored halfway through and took off for the playground. I concur. It’s not as good as the first one and honestly I do not love the first one. And then Saturday, which was yesterday, here is another view of Saddle Mountain, this time from Pipeline Road.

I will leave you with another fantastic amazing photograph from last Sunday, sea lions, because we all love sea lions and they have a lesson to teach us: make noise! Be loud and take up space! There are more of us than them.

a color photo of California sea lions on the remnants of a pier in the Columbia river in Astoria, Oregon. There are a couple of old fishing vessels in the background.
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Friends

I am writing this on my phone because I have horrible time management skills – I’m too goddamn busy being amazing to get things done, thank you very much – but anyway, the week in review:

Monday, I thought i was dying and ended up in the ER. Turns out I was not dying but instead having a costochondritis flare up – this is my diagnosis from years ago, the ER staff here have no idea what the hell was wrong with me – but they kept me all day and did a very nasty test on me before I was released. I have more to bore you with about this but not tonight. Enjoy my exciting ER collage. The veggie burger was very good.

Tuesday, I saw this somewhat ominous, all things considered, graffiti at the sawmill trail. Wednesday, we went to the Clatsop County Fair! Five ran into an extremely fearless friend and they rode rides as if they’d been going to carnivals their whole lives instead of this being the very first time. And we saw the pigs and an enormous cow and Five had a very expensive pony ride. Good times! Thursday, I had to work at a late meeting in Seaside and this is the somewhat surreal moon from the parking lot of the grocery outlet. Friday, I was back at the fair, working as a friendly representative of the college where I work, and Saturday, an old friend showed up and of course, I had to take him to see the Peter Iredale.

It was great to see my friend and be reminded of the glory days of Asheville in the early to mid 00s. He is traveling the country, visiting what he calls the Asheville Diaspora, lol: there are so many of us, spread everywhere. And, it was great for Five to have a carnival friend. It has all made me think about friends, and being social. In remembering when I used to have a life, I seem to have unlocked a little happiness. I think I was like a Sim with a low social: standing and sobbing in the kitchen with a blinking diamond revolving over my head. 30ish hours of hanging out later, I feel weirdly better. More human, maybe, and less like the world’s most antisocial introverted alien.

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